Recently there's been many articles and blogs about grading parents on their children's success in school. I've read there's many different places parents would be graded- their children's attendance, participation in school, test scores, homework completion and parents involvement in school/volunteering/attendance at school functions. I find this idea off the wall.
Its said this is a backlash from teachers tired of being blamed for students continuing falling test scores and not wanting to be the only ones held responsible- that they are doing what they can but its not enough. I have had at least one child in school for the past 13 years and at this point am at the highest for the amount of children I'll have at one time in school- currently 5 of my 7 attend school. My youngest is in kindergarten and the oldest is a senior in high school (scheduled to graduate in just 5 days). I have a very long time until I am done with schooling and children. Over the course of my life as a parent I'll have had 30 years of children in school (1998 was when my oldest entered kindergarten and my youngest will be entering kindergarten in 2016, with an expected graduation date of 2029). In just the past 13 years I've seen a turn for the worst but I'm not blaming it on the teachers. No way...my kids have had Great teachers! I blame lack of financial support and a standard that can't be met- in short I blame No Child Left Behind.
{Soapbox Rant}
Everyone (parents and teachers alike) agrees (at least that I've spoken with- which is numerous) that since NCLB was instituted schools have gone down hill and can not meet the needs of the students. Be it too much pressure to preform highly or lack of funds, to give our kids an education that will help them succeed. NCLB takes funding away from schools that are not meeting the expectations of the government (the government that is not in our classrooms). Take away funding and the tools that are necessary to help the students can not be afforded. It's one of those stupid cycles- HOW on Earth can teachers teach without the funding to buy required materials (and I'm talking books here people- text books. My children have been going without, or going with photocopies of pages for years. Loose pages get lost, no matter HOW organized a kid is, and for those without those skills its a hopeless cause. I know, trust me! With one child with an IEP that states he needs 2 text books, one to be left in the classroom and one for home so there is no transition, this can't happen because the schools don't have an extra to send home for him.). George W. left a huge mark on the public school system, and for whatever reason this mark is left unfixed. But hey fixing this problem would involve putting government money were it SHOULD be going, back into society where it came from, and that would mean less money elsewhere.
I have one child left in the public school system- the others attend charter schools. If there was a viable option in a charter school for her, she'd be there. The public schools here are over crowded, literally. 30+ students in a class with one teacher, schools unable to add more students because physically they don't have the room, or space for classrooms. Many students, and parents, are leaving simply because of this- one girl in my sons high school transferred from a public high school because there was 45 students in her class and kids were sitting on the floor of the classroom out of necessity, not want! And teachers are expected to get our students to learn in that environment?! Ready for standardized tests, no way is that thought even attainable in my head.
Alright back to my "Grade". Why a D?
I'm being honest and hard on myself. Because I could be doing better, and someday I will- but I am not a supermom. If my kids have made it to school, are fed, have done their homework, gotten a good nights sleep, have been loved on, and been happy that day- I've succeeded in doing a good job. But honestly there are times when homework hasn't been done. Or I haven't been able to physically force a child out the door onto the bus when said child has refused to go to school. Or my teen has gotten up late and didn't have time to eat breakfast or hasn't wanted anything. Or the reason that same teen got up late is he didn't get to bed early enough, and didn't get a good nights sleep. There's are things I struggle with as a parent of a student. And in part don't have a lot of control over. My kids, at a certain age, have to start to learn the natural consequences of life and making bad decisions. And they get too big for me to force them to do anything. That is not in my parenting philosophy.
Do I volunteer at my children's schools? No- We have 2 little ones at home, and 1 car. Most schools don't provide childcare for younger siblings, so parents can help. Do I attend parent/teacher conferences? For the most part- I have missed one this year for both of my older kids. Do I respond to teachers when they call/email with a concern? Always, because if its become a concern at school, its probably a concern at home too. But don't expect me to be able to change the behavior you're experiencing, I can't shadow them at school, and they have minds of their own. I will speak to my kids, let them know we are aware, are here to help if they need it, and that there will be a consequence if it continues. After that its out of my hands. Do I attend every school function? No. I try to get to most, the ones that are free. But so many now are school function fundraisers (because they lack funding), and the going price for these functions is usually $10 a head, and with 9 people in our family, it makes attending most of them out of our budget and unattainable. Do my kids get plenty of sleep and a healthy breakfast before school? Yes these things are provided, for the younger ones always. For the older ones they are encouraged but not forced. Do you children have good attendance records? Most- the youngers have almost perfect attendance, as does my oldest two. My middle, well that's been an on-going issue- one I've been fighting the entire school year to no avail. If she misses the bus on purpose, I can't drive her but she does suffer consequences at home. If she says she's ill, do I force her to go anyways, yes sometimes, sometimes no- on the times I do she'll go to the nurses office and tell them she's sick, to which I get a phone call about and am expected to pick her up. What else can I be doing? (Really I don't know!) Do my children complete ALL their homework? For the most part. I help when needed, remind when needed, ask nightly if they have any. BUT I am of the belief that homework for elementary children does nothing but ready them for harder homework in upper grades- it hasn't actually been proven to be a beneficial tool to learning. In other words it doesn't help them learn more. There's very little evidence that homework in middle school does much either. High school is the only place where its been proven to help slightly. Clarification: School work that is not completed in school is important for children to finish at home, IE. projects or classwork. Busy work, IE. worksheets that are "extra", is just that busy work, just drills to get children to "remember" more. One or two sheets is acceptable but when they are bringing home as many pages to do as they are old, its too much!
So I am not the best school mom out there- not nearly close. My children all do well, and get higher than average grades, and attend almost 100% of the time. Could they and I be doing better? Probably but then that's all we'd be doing and school is not life. So maybe my priorities are off but life is all learning in some respects and I believe there is way too much to learn outside of books and the classroom. If I do get "graded" then my kids will come out of the school system because if what I'm doing now is not good enough then it never will be and the government can back out of my life. That's one place that really needs to get its priorities straight!
Showing posts with label Soapbox. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Soapbox. Show all posts
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Friday, June 3, 2011
My OP: Natural Parenting and Politics
I started my parenting young and a few years ago, almost 18 years ago to be exact. When I started out I hadn't done a whole lot of research into what was important and what things I wanted to use (style, models, practices), I winged it. And followed alot of advice from mainstream parenting books. Then were things you did and things you didn't do. There was the right way of parenting and the wrong way. Do this or your child will turn out like this. Do this so your child will be independent. So your child will be smart. So your child will the best. Many of that advice was hard for me to put into practice and I felt many times over like I was failing. I couldn't stay on track, couldn't follow the guide lines. I stoped reading and started doing what felt "right". My parenting style has evolved since then. I don't follow a lot of mainstream advice still, I tend to lean towards a natural parenting style, have found it fits my style and goals, and I don't doubt myself anymore.
But what's starting to become more more obvious is how the political world doesn't like how I, and many many others, are taking on a new way of parenting. Getting back to basics and back to what's natural. What many generations before did. That we are turning away from a way of life that brings money to the pockets of those that run this country and helps us to raise open minded, think for yourself children and adults- people that question first and make decisions that are based upon ALL the information. Thinkers, not sheeple.So many things are being attacked for reasons that just seem like they want to control and take away our choices. They KNOW what's best and we don't need to have those choices.
It started last year with baby carriers. One company made one that was dangerous and now they're all dangerous and need to be regulated. Standards need to be met. I don't totally disagree with this but the standards and tests the government will, more than likely, require will come at a cost that many small businesses will not be able to afford. And in the long run put most out of business.
Then came Highlands Teething Tablets and the governments (FDA) attack. We still are out of this product, with no real end in sight. A homeopathic remedy used by many in the mainstream gone. It took months afterwards for the FDA to issue a warning about the active ingredient in mainstream oral gels (like Orajel) being dangerous and still no recall. We have a choice still to use that product but they took the choice away for the teething tablets. (Wondering why? My theory: One is a non-pharmaceutical company, a natural company- The other a big Pharma company. Can you guess which one?)
Along comes the next big one and most recent. Water Birth Pools. The FDA seized a shipment and was threatening to destroy it. The FDA in its wisdom has deemed them "medical equipment". What does this do? Takes away our choice. Birth pools, for some, go hand in hand in home birth. (I personally desired to labor and birth in a pool with our last son J, but for a few personal reason, mainly lack of hot water- we were having issues with our hot water heater, decided not to use the one I was loaned by my MW. I don't not regret my choice but at least I had the choice.) And home birth is growing, taking business away from hospitals and pharmaceutical companies. Home birth= No Drugs. There are some searching for women that gave birth in a "pool" before 1978, to try and get Birth Pools grandfathered in, to avoid millions of $$, years of "trials", to make them accessable. (See this blog for more information.) But again this all boils down to the government making sure we're "safe", according to them- but it seems like it has more to do with the bottom line..Money. They can't make money if they're parent companies aren't making money. The pressure is building to make those seeking alternative lifestyles conform to the norm.
As the title of this states these are my opinions. Just injecting that here.
There are numerous other "little" things going on...ones that we don't see or hear or think about on a daily basis. Or ones we blow off as some day it'll change or the government will back off.
GMOs- these are highly unregulated, at least as to getting into our food sources- the only choices we have are to buy organic and for some this is not an option 100% of the time. Or there are people out there that don't know how dangerous they are- we could argue about being informed but in reality not everyone has the knowledge on How to be informed or they've never learned that they can be informed. And there are those that don't have a choice because they are being held captive- Children in public schools where the only option is to eat what the school serves and the school is serving them what they can afford (not organics- the cheapest bid is always the winner when in comes to all government jobs.). I am not attacking the menu of the schools here, they have the childrens' best interest at heart but are limited in options and hands are tied. The parents of these children do not have the choice to send an organic lunch to school with their kids- it is not allowed. GMOs' chemicals have been found in the blood stream of pregnant, and non pregnant women and their unborn and newborn babies. We have no idea what they (GMOs) are doing to them and us. There is no long term science behind it.
And what about the feeding of antibiotics to live stock in the US. On May 26th, 2011 FoxNews.com posted that several environmental and health-advocacy groups filed a lawsuit against the FDA to ban widespread use of ABx in livestock.
"The groups charge that the FDA concluded years ago that large-scale dosing of penicillin and tetracyclines in animal feed was causing bacteria to become resistant to drugs that humans rely on to fight infections, but the government agency failed to act."
The government has an agenda- to make money. This is how the country is run. There is no denying it and no way around it but we are loosing our personal freedoms because of overspending and the need for More. In general the culture of America is about more of everything. But simplicity is making a come back and with it revenue is going down.
The government is there to "protect" us. But what if more and more people are finding they don't want protecting or that we're not being protected by controlled. We are loosing freedoms are a very rapid pace. What can we do? Talk about it, blog about it, post about it- just get word out. Vote about it- vote for those that are really wanting to protect what's important: Our Freedom of choice. That is the biggest thing that sets us apart, what this country was first based upon. We need Representatives with voices- Big voices. Voices that can be heard over the big voices of the companies that really run this country. Think about the choices we have, in all aspects- who we can vote for and what they are taking from us.
Natural living, parenting and lifestyles are a choice, an informed choice, and are being threatened daily. The movement towards these lifestyles is gaining momentum but with that momentum, the speed bumps are becoming more regular. But that's what they are bumps in the road. We have to work at getting over them- together.
But what's starting to become more more obvious is how the political world doesn't like how I, and many many others, are taking on a new way of parenting. Getting back to basics and back to what's natural. What many generations before did. That we are turning away from a way of life that brings money to the pockets of those that run this country and helps us to raise open minded, think for yourself children and adults- people that question first and make decisions that are based upon ALL the information. Thinkers, not sheeple.So many things are being attacked for reasons that just seem like they want to control and take away our choices. They KNOW what's best and we don't need to have those choices.
It started last year with baby carriers. One company made one that was dangerous and now they're all dangerous and need to be regulated. Standards need to be met. I don't totally disagree with this but the standards and tests the government will, more than likely, require will come at a cost that many small businesses will not be able to afford. And in the long run put most out of business.
Then came Highlands Teething Tablets and the governments (FDA) attack. We still are out of this product, with no real end in sight. A homeopathic remedy used by many in the mainstream gone. It took months afterwards for the FDA to issue a warning about the active ingredient in mainstream oral gels (like Orajel) being dangerous and still no recall. We have a choice still to use that product but they took the choice away for the teething tablets. (Wondering why? My theory: One is a non-pharmaceutical company, a natural company- The other a big Pharma company. Can you guess which one?)
Along comes the next big one and most recent. Water Birth Pools. The FDA seized a shipment and was threatening to destroy it. The FDA in its wisdom has deemed them "medical equipment". What does this do? Takes away our choice. Birth pools, for some, go hand in hand in home birth. (I personally desired to labor and birth in a pool with our last son J, but for a few personal reason, mainly lack of hot water- we were having issues with our hot water heater, decided not to use the one I was loaned by my MW. I don't not regret my choice but at least I had the choice.) And home birth is growing, taking business away from hospitals and pharmaceutical companies. Home birth= No Drugs. There are some searching for women that gave birth in a "pool" before 1978, to try and get Birth Pools grandfathered in, to avoid millions of $$, years of "trials", to make them accessable. (See this blog for more information.) But again this all boils down to the government making sure we're "safe", according to them- but it seems like it has more to do with the bottom line..Money. They can't make money if they're parent companies aren't making money. The pressure is building to make those seeking alternative lifestyles conform to the norm.
As the title of this states these are my opinions. Just injecting that here.
There are numerous other "little" things going on...ones that we don't see or hear or think about on a daily basis. Or ones we blow off as some day it'll change or the government will back off.
GMOs- these are highly unregulated, at least as to getting into our food sources- the only choices we have are to buy organic and for some this is not an option 100% of the time. Or there are people out there that don't know how dangerous they are- we could argue about being informed but in reality not everyone has the knowledge on How to be informed or they've never learned that they can be informed. And there are those that don't have a choice because they are being held captive- Children in public schools where the only option is to eat what the school serves and the school is serving them what they can afford (not organics- the cheapest bid is always the winner when in comes to all government jobs.). I am not attacking the menu of the schools here, they have the childrens' best interest at heart but are limited in options and hands are tied. The parents of these children do not have the choice to send an organic lunch to school with their kids- it is not allowed. GMOs' chemicals have been found in the blood stream of pregnant, and non pregnant women and their unborn and newborn babies. We have no idea what they (GMOs) are doing to them and us. There is no long term science behind it.
And what about the feeding of antibiotics to live stock in the US. On May 26th, 2011 FoxNews.com posted that several environmental and health-advocacy groups filed a lawsuit against the FDA to ban widespread use of ABx in livestock.
"The groups charge that the FDA concluded years ago that large-scale dosing of penicillin and tetracyclines in animal feed was causing bacteria to become resistant to drugs that humans rely on to fight infections, but the government agency failed to act."
The government has an agenda- to make money. This is how the country is run. There is no denying it and no way around it but we are loosing our personal freedoms because of overspending and the need for More. In general the culture of America is about more of everything. But simplicity is making a come back and with it revenue is going down.
The government is there to "protect" us. But what if more and more people are finding they don't want protecting or that we're not being protected by controlled. We are loosing freedoms are a very rapid pace. What can we do? Talk about it, blog about it, post about it- just get word out. Vote about it- vote for those that are really wanting to protect what's important: Our Freedom of choice. That is the biggest thing that sets us apart, what this country was first based upon. We need Representatives with voices- Big voices. Voices that can be heard over the big voices of the companies that really run this country. Think about the choices we have, in all aspects- who we can vote for and what they are taking from us.
Natural living, parenting and lifestyles are a choice, an informed choice, and are being threatened daily. The movement towards these lifestyles is gaining momentum but with that momentum, the speed bumps are becoming more regular. But that's what they are bumps in the road. We have to work at getting over them- together.
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
CIO in TV Land- Any Hope?
I was going to do a Wordless Wednesday post today but after last nights episode of Fox's "Raising Hope" I knew that would not be happening. We have been enjoying this show since its premiere this fall, with only a few raised eyebrows mainly on content, not story lines. Last night episode had me yelling at the screen within the first 5 minutes! The story line (as you could guess by my title) CIO (Cry it Out) and sleep training baby "Hope".
I was so tempted to write this last night but it was probably for the best I didn't, as I was able to sit back and process my thoughts and words before putting them down. Write clear headed. I consider re-watching it this morning, but decided I didn't want to support this episode again.
"It teaches them how to self-sooth and handle their own fears."
"So I'm just supposed to ignore my baby while she cries in her crib?" "It's written by a doctor, a doctor who wrote a book." "You are not going to scar this baby by letting her cry and feel abandoned."
Well by this time I had my own Hope- hope that they are just touching on an issue all parents experience at some point and would turn it around to show the dangers of CIO. I had to watch the rest, to see where it went but at a distance so I wouldn't throw something in anger at the Tv.
So why do they (the grandparents) feel the need to sleep train "Hope"? When it alludes to the fact they were attached parents to their own son, "Hope's" father? Because he's too attached to them, is insecure and doesn't face his fears alone. "We made him a wuss." That in the end she'll be more secure, handle her fears alone and be able to self-sooth. (Hmm is this how we really want to raise our children- to know they have to handle life alone, and can't rely on those closest to them to help? This sounds really secure to me!)
"But you'll do the training right? It'll kill me to hear her crying that much." Here this shows how grandma and dad aren't really on board and goes against what comes to them naturally- not wanting to hear their loved baby cry and cope alone. Sleep training does this- makes parents go against their natural instincts, and this is usually the first step to creating "independence" and distance in the parent/child relationship. The first step towards abandonment of children's right and a parent's responsibility to their child. Its a slippery slop and all down hill from there.
Dr. Sears (a well known and renowned Pediatrician, who has many children of his own) has this to say about CIO and sleep training: "Science tells us that when babies cry alone and unattended, they experience panic and anxiety. Their bodies and brains are flooded with adrenaline and cortisol stress hormones. Science has also found that when developing brain tissue is exposed to these hormones for prolonged periods these nerves won’t form connections to other nerves and will degenerate. "
CIO and sleep training are HARMFUL to babies (and actually to all humans). Hmmm who'd a thunk? Crying and crying and crying alone with no one coming to your aid and having to deal with it alone (in the case of adults we choose not to ask for help, or have come to feel we can not ask for help, that being vulnerable is a weakness) is BAD for you? Wow! But this episode insists that its GOOD and helpful.
Alright I know each parent and person has the right to make their own decisions and well informed parents do. But this shows target audience is not the well informed parent. It's target audience is the next generation of parents, those that have yet to have their off spring. And parents of a socioeconomic class that statistically aren't well informed, don't choose to do their research or actually know they can do research and make decisions that aren't in the norm. (How am I qualified to say this? Because I am OF that class. I LIVE, and have lived, in the areas this class comes from. And when I share my experience with others I commonly get "Oh well that's not how my mom did it" or "That's not what my friend does" or "Well I saw it on TV so I'm going to do it that way!" I'm qualified because I'm there.) The writers, producers and directors of this show KNOW who they target....and this makes me wonder who's on staff? Babywisers? It's gotta be since "grandpa" didn't even use a proper sleep training method, he just put baby "Hope" in her crib and left her there for hours to cry alone (traditional sleep training has you go in and comfort the child, but not remove them, in the crib 5 minutes then 10 and so on increasing the length of time with each visit). "Grandma" and "Mama" both went into her but were shamed for their instincts by "grandpa". Both women ended up having to leave the home because "Hope's" crying was too much for them. (Abandonment much?)
In the end "Grandpa" feels great, proud of the "little Trooper", "she had the strength to step up and do it". He's talking about a baby here! Poor "little Trooper" was left to cry alone till she passed out from exhaustion, with feelings of stress and abandonment running through her little body. And "Dad"- well he's out drinking "Tea" and tripping though the whole ordeal. He calls his parents for help but they leave him out in the cold too- literally. To face "his fears" and "self-sooth". "You're so close to your emotional conditioning breakthrough!" "Deal with your crisis! I love you!" This is the view that "Raising Hope" producers have of attachment parenting- that we raise children into insecure adults that need to be broken. Not that we raise children that know when to ask for help and seek it out from those that are safe.
I could go into my thoughts on what CIO has done to society as a whole but I've already done that blog. I'm proud to be an Attached Parent, raising Attached Children- who will be more secure in themselves and with the feelings of belonging. It's been proven. CIO, in my op, has proven the opposite. Though my family (who I need to comment on- told me "It's just a tv show", I hate that! It may just be a tv show but how many stories have we heard where the mass media has affected peoples views, too many! And the excuse is old and worn out. Mass media producers KNOW what they're doing and soft minds believe it! But that's an issue for me to resolve with my family. My husband gets up in arms over things the President says and I don't say it's just his Op and dismiss his outrage, this is no different. If we don't use our voices to voice our outrage then we'll never be heard.) may continue to watch, I am not. This was the series finale for me.
I was so tempted to write this last night but it was probably for the best I didn't, as I was able to sit back and process my thoughts and words before putting them down. Write clear headed. I consider re-watching it this morning, but decided I didn't want to support this episode again.
"It teaches them how to self-sooth and handle their own fears."
"So I'm just supposed to ignore my baby while she cries in her crib?" "It's written by a doctor, a doctor who wrote a book." "You are not going to scar this baby by letting her cry and feel abandoned."
Well by this time I had my own Hope- hope that they are just touching on an issue all parents experience at some point and would turn it around to show the dangers of CIO. I had to watch the rest, to see where it went but at a distance so I wouldn't throw something in anger at the Tv.
So why do they (the grandparents) feel the need to sleep train "Hope"? When it alludes to the fact they were attached parents to their own son, "Hope's" father? Because he's too attached to them, is insecure and doesn't face his fears alone. "We made him a wuss." That in the end she'll be more secure, handle her fears alone and be able to self-sooth. (Hmm is this how we really want to raise our children- to know they have to handle life alone, and can't rely on those closest to them to help? This sounds really secure to me!)
"But you'll do the training right? It'll kill me to hear her crying that much." Here this shows how grandma and dad aren't really on board and goes against what comes to them naturally- not wanting to hear their loved baby cry and cope alone. Sleep training does this- makes parents go against their natural instincts, and this is usually the first step to creating "independence" and distance in the parent/child relationship. The first step towards abandonment of children's right and a parent's responsibility to their child. Its a slippery slop and all down hill from there.
Dr. Sears (a well known and renowned Pediatrician, who has many children of his own) has this to say about CIO and sleep training: "Science tells us that when babies cry alone and unattended, they experience panic and anxiety. Their bodies and brains are flooded with adrenaline and cortisol stress hormones. Science has also found that when developing brain tissue is exposed to these hormones for prolonged periods these nerves won’t form connections to other nerves and will degenerate. "
CIO and sleep training are HARMFUL to babies (and actually to all humans). Hmmm who'd a thunk? Crying and crying and crying alone with no one coming to your aid and having to deal with it alone (in the case of adults we choose not to ask for help, or have come to feel we can not ask for help, that being vulnerable is a weakness) is BAD for you? Wow! But this episode insists that its GOOD and helpful.
Alright I know each parent and person has the right to make their own decisions and well informed parents do. But this shows target audience is not the well informed parent. It's target audience is the next generation of parents, those that have yet to have their off spring. And parents of a socioeconomic class that statistically aren't well informed, don't choose to do their research or actually know they can do research and make decisions that aren't in the norm. (How am I qualified to say this? Because I am OF that class. I LIVE, and have lived, in the areas this class comes from. And when I share my experience with others I commonly get "Oh well that's not how my mom did it" or "That's not what my friend does" or "Well I saw it on TV so I'm going to do it that way!" I'm qualified because I'm there.) The writers, producers and directors of this show KNOW who they target....and this makes me wonder who's on staff? Babywisers? It's gotta be since "grandpa" didn't even use a proper sleep training method, he just put baby "Hope" in her crib and left her there for hours to cry alone (traditional sleep training has you go in and comfort the child, but not remove them, in the crib 5 minutes then 10 and so on increasing the length of time with each visit). "Grandma" and "Mama" both went into her but were shamed for their instincts by "grandpa". Both women ended up having to leave the home because "Hope's" crying was too much for them. (Abandonment much?)
In the end "Grandpa" feels great, proud of the "little Trooper", "she had the strength to step up and do it". He's talking about a baby here! Poor "little Trooper" was left to cry alone till she passed out from exhaustion, with feelings of stress and abandonment running through her little body. And "Dad"- well he's out drinking "Tea" and tripping though the whole ordeal. He calls his parents for help but they leave him out in the cold too- literally. To face "his fears" and "self-sooth". "You're so close to your emotional conditioning breakthrough!" "Deal with your crisis! I love you!" This is the view that "Raising Hope" producers have of attachment parenting- that we raise children into insecure adults that need to be broken. Not that we raise children that know when to ask for help and seek it out from those that are safe.
I could go into my thoughts on what CIO has done to society as a whole but I've already done that blog. I'm proud to be an Attached Parent, raising Attached Children- who will be more secure in themselves and with the feelings of belonging. It's been proven. CIO, in my op, has proven the opposite. Though my family (who I need to comment on- told me "It's just a tv show", I hate that! It may just be a tv show but how many stories have we heard where the mass media has affected peoples views, too many! And the excuse is old and worn out. Mass media producers KNOW what they're doing and soft minds believe it! But that's an issue for me to resolve with my family. My husband gets up in arms over things the President says and I don't say it's just his Op and dismiss his outrage, this is no different. If we don't use our voices to voice our outrage then we'll never be heard.) may continue to watch, I am not. This was the series finale for me.
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Schooling in Crisis
(Came on here to write this post and saw I've gained 3 more followers just overnight! Wow.:D )
My oldest daughter (a senior) has been in 6 different schools, my middle daughter (in 6th) 8, youngest two (in K and 3rd) kids 2, and my oldest son 6 (in 10th). But now it looks like we'll have to find a new school for him for next year- he just announced last night his current school (and the one we all love- a Waldorf based charter high school) will be closing after this year. This so sucks! It completely frustrates and irritates me to the core- (just a little vent now) after trying another charter school last year that was very new and having serious financial difficulties and couldn't keep a good teacher to save their lives, we found this one and he's grown so much, they support him and have him learning- not only academics but life skills too, they truly honor his IEP and just in general it was a gold mine of a school! And now we have to try again. And to top it all off- LOTS of charter schools will be closing after this year.
Why? One reason, and its a reoccurring theme: Money. The state is with holding public money these schools are entitled to. Money they are supposed to be receiving for each child that attends. (More on charter schools.) Charter schools are backed by private "investors"- corporations usually, but in this economy if they're struggling they don't have the extra money to back the school. And in the case of T's school, one backer is suing the other- and now no funding at all is going to the school. No money= no school. This is a crisis and a shame. (Especially since this is one of the longest running charter schools in the area, used to be a private school but wanted to open it up to more kids so they turned charter back in 1993.)
Again the world is forgetting our most important resource...Our Children. They have been over looked so often that they seem to be invisible.
Why have my children been is so many different schools? Two reasons- moving (they've done a lot) and lack of (what I feel) schools that put them first. I'm over public schools here...I have one child in one but that is because of her and lack options in our area. The rest are in charter schools- and the common theme for all the charter schools they attend is "meeting the individual needs of each child" and they do!
We're at a place where we think "if we'd have known all this this we may have made different decisions for the up coming years"- we had planned on keeping T in this school until he graduated in 2 years, putting off moving out of state (closer to DH's family). This is financially a smart move for us- housing prices are 1/2 as much there with wages equal, but we wanted what was best for him. Now....there's no point but no money to move.
So we'll have to hunt for another school. He can't be in a mainstream public school, he'd get lost and end up failing...so much for no child left behind huh?! I know I'm not the only parent out there that's facing schools in crisis. I hear it in blogs, on FB, in mainstream news reports and "alternative" publications. More and more parents are turning to homeschooling, this is not an option for us. The nation's schools as a whole are failing. Thank you Mr. (I refuse to call him President, as I never voted for him) Bush and you're ingenious No Child Left Behind- it's not NO Child, it's ALL children.
Hey Government Officials- we want money going to schools, schools that meet our childrens' needs and individual learning styles, schools that care. Not to your stupid bullshit. Maybe just maybe if we concentrate on what's really important and not keeping the US #1 bullshitter then the World would like us! Hmm just a thought.
Okay rough morning here- too much going on that's interfered with this blog and now it's seeping into my writing, so I'll say "Goodbye".
My oldest daughter (a senior) has been in 6 different schools, my middle daughter (in 6th) 8, youngest two (in K and 3rd) kids 2, and my oldest son 6 (in 10th). But now it looks like we'll have to find a new school for him for next year- he just announced last night his current school (and the one we all love- a Waldorf based charter high school) will be closing after this year. This so sucks! It completely frustrates and irritates me to the core- (just a little vent now) after trying another charter school last year that was very new and having serious financial difficulties and couldn't keep a good teacher to save their lives, we found this one and he's grown so much, they support him and have him learning- not only academics but life skills too, they truly honor his IEP and just in general it was a gold mine of a school! And now we have to try again. And to top it all off- LOTS of charter schools will be closing after this year.
Why? One reason, and its a reoccurring theme: Money. The state is with holding public money these schools are entitled to. Money they are supposed to be receiving for each child that attends. (More on charter schools.) Charter schools are backed by private "investors"- corporations usually, but in this economy if they're struggling they don't have the extra money to back the school. And in the case of T's school, one backer is suing the other- and now no funding at all is going to the school. No money= no school. This is a crisis and a shame. (Especially since this is one of the longest running charter schools in the area, used to be a private school but wanted to open it up to more kids so they turned charter back in 1993.)
Again the world is forgetting our most important resource...Our Children. They have been over looked so often that they seem to be invisible.
Why have my children been is so many different schools? Two reasons- moving (they've done a lot) and lack of (what I feel) schools that put them first. I'm over public schools here...I have one child in one but that is because of her and lack options in our area. The rest are in charter schools- and the common theme for all the charter schools they attend is "meeting the individual needs of each child" and they do!
We're at a place where we think "if we'd have known all this this we may have made different decisions for the up coming years"- we had planned on keeping T in this school until he graduated in 2 years, putting off moving out of state (closer to DH's family). This is financially a smart move for us- housing prices are 1/2 as much there with wages equal, but we wanted what was best for him. Now....there's no point but no money to move.
So we'll have to hunt for another school. He can't be in a mainstream public school, he'd get lost and end up failing...so much for no child left behind huh?! I know I'm not the only parent out there that's facing schools in crisis. I hear it in blogs, on FB, in mainstream news reports and "alternative" publications. More and more parents are turning to homeschooling, this is not an option for us. The nation's schools as a whole are failing. Thank you Mr. (I refuse to call him President, as I never voted for him) Bush and you're ingenious No Child Left Behind- it's not NO Child, it's ALL children.
Hey Government Officials- we want money going to schools, schools that meet our childrens' needs and individual learning styles, schools that care. Not to your stupid bullshit. Maybe just maybe if we concentrate on what's really important and not keeping the US #1 bullshitter then the World would like us! Hmm just a thought.
Okay rough morning here- too much going on that's interfered with this blog and now it's seeping into my writing, so I'll say "Goodbye".
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
How Big Is Your Community?
I live in a large city, in a neighborhood that is somewhat close knit but at the same time totally segragated. By that I mean if you've lived here a long time and are of a certian "type" of person (middle class w/simular ideals) you're in easily, but those that are new and/or not economically equal are a bit left out. But this isn't something new- clicks that is, they're everywhere. Don't get me wrong I love my neighborhood- people are nice and have simular view points to life but I not part of yet. This is my home's community.
I was going to a drop in parents center regularily before DH went back to work- but w/one car I haven't been able. I loved this place and the parents (most moms) that frequent. It feels like community. These ladies helped my find my way physically to my homebirth, taught me how to use my ring sling better, and are just all around supportive. I can't wait to get back to going regularily again but still its a wait till at least June and maybe even August.
I have a small community of friends from my past, some of whom I met in school, some in a meeting. Most are here locally but our interactions are all via FB- sadly I don't get to see them in person much. But we do interact in the now thanks to the internet.
My biggest community is another online community but these women are my best friends. I can admit to them my faults and they send virtual hugs and prayers. They have the best advice for everything. My life would be so small w/o them.
Do I like having my community mainly online? NO I really wish I lived close to them, I really wish I could see more of those that do live close. I feel life wouldn't be quite so lonely and monotonous. But I take what I get and love those that are in my life.
Life and communties have changed so much over time- smaller yet bigger. Where in the past keeping up w/long distance friends was hard and making new ones even harder, now we can meet people from all over the globe w/o leaving our homes. In the past your best friends live next door or a few blocks over and your neighborhood and family (extended) were improtant parts of community. Now families and friends move away and personal communities have shrunk.
My home community may be small but my world community is large.
I was going to a drop in parents center regularily before DH went back to work- but w/one car I haven't been able. I loved this place and the parents (most moms) that frequent. It feels like community. These ladies helped my find my way physically to my homebirth, taught me how to use my ring sling better, and are just all around supportive. I can't wait to get back to going regularily again but still its a wait till at least June and maybe even August.
I have a small community of friends from my past, some of whom I met in school, some in a meeting. Most are here locally but our interactions are all via FB- sadly I don't get to see them in person much. But we do interact in the now thanks to the internet.
My biggest community is another online community but these women are my best friends. I can admit to them my faults and they send virtual hugs and prayers. They have the best advice for everything. My life would be so small w/o them.
Do I like having my community mainly online? NO I really wish I lived close to them, I really wish I could see more of those that do live close. I feel life wouldn't be quite so lonely and monotonous. But I take what I get and love those that are in my life.
Life and communties have changed so much over time- smaller yet bigger. Where in the past keeping up w/long distance friends was hard and making new ones even harder, now we can meet people from all over the globe w/o leaving our homes. In the past your best friends live next door or a few blocks over and your neighborhood and family (extended) were improtant parts of community. Now families and friends move away and personal communities have shrunk.
My home community may be small but my world community is large.
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Gratitude Attitudes
Back around Thanksgiving I posted about the gratitude I had for strangers helping our large family this holiday season and how we've asked for help to give the children a good holiday. Monday I had an appointment to pick up our toys from Toys for Tots. It was "storming" out here and I was a little nervous about being late and missing my time so I left very early to get there in time- I made it in 1/2 the time I'd allotted, driving really wasn't that bad. I was excited and humble when I reached the "toy shop". Grateful for the safe fast drive, and being able to use this program in a year where we really needed it. And for a bit of time outside the house by myself.
I went in a few minutes early to use the bathroom (being 8 months pregnant I can't be away from a toilet for more than an hour without peeing my pants! lol) and on the way in over heard something I can't get out of my mind, has completely put me into a place of shock and just shows were things (at least in my neck of the woods) in the world are going. Why I keep thinking about this and can't let it go is out of my thought process- it's just one of those boggling things.
As I approached the doors 3 women came out and were talking loudly. One of the 3 started to complain. You could tell it was going to be one of those complaints that just look bad, by her tone of voice and volume. "That's a waste of time", she said. "You get to pick 2 small things or one large thing. And it's all stupid stuff! I could've bought that stuff at the store!" "Yeah" is all I heard from the other women's' replies, as I walked past into the doors. Wow! I thought then why are you here?
I get into the toy shop and wait very little time, to meet with my personal helper (a teen girl, of about 14 or 15, who tells you what you can do, takes you to the age sections, and carries around the big red bag you fill up). Sweet girl she was- smiled the whole time and looked happy to be helping. So the woman was right- you can choose one large toy or two small toys. For my kids I choose the one large toy for C and P (neither will mind only one thing) and for B and O the 2 small toys. Really there wasn't a lot of difference in what was small or large- it was more the price of things that made them fit their category. The selection was good- I was easily able to find things the fit my children well- their interests and likes/dislikes. I was still very grateful for what was there- no let down at all. When we reached the teen section, my helper quietly threw in my bag two extra gifts off the large table - I hadn't even mentioned I had 2 older teens that didn't qualify for the age of the program- she just did it out of kindness.
We have something for the kids for under the tree from Santa- something we would've had to choose to do knowing we were putting ourselves into a riskier place financially or not done at all. I am so grateful that programs are out there like this and we could use it when we need it. Not everyone has this or even knows about it and some choose not to out of pride. Charity, when you're on the receiving end, is a bad word. For me it reminds me I'm human and have choices and I can let myself get in the way or find help where I can. It gives me extra gratitude for those out there that help and when I am able being able to help those in need. I makes me humble to the nature that can be the human spirit.
Women like the ones I overheard on my way in, are putting energy out there that I think more and more are picking up on and putting out there. No Gratitude for what others are doing for them or those in the world as a whole. (A little rant here now:) If you can go get those things from the store then why don't you! Why the hell are you using a program meant for those who really need it! You people make me sick- really you do. We that need for real and use it- are grateful, it's our only option! What are you expecting?! Wiis, bikes, robots, cell phones?! Get real! Get a new attitude or just go away! (Alright judgemental rant over....I know judgement is bad but it's human and sometimes if you don't speak up when someone is in the wrong you are letting them get away with hurting others. Sometimes people need to speak up.)
From a recipient of a charity program this year: Thank you for helping. If you've donated a toy- thank you. If you've dropped spare change into the little red kettle- Thank you. If you're made a food donation to a local food bank- Thank you. These are usually little things that don't get much thanks but the gratitude this recipient feels for people like you is huge. It's these little things that really count to the everyday people out there. And it helps to remind us that when we are in a better place to make sure to give it back. If I can't do it financially soon then I'll do it in deeds or donations of our unneeded/out-grown things. Just Pay It Forward.
Thank you, just thank you. <3
I went in a few minutes early to use the bathroom (being 8 months pregnant I can't be away from a toilet for more than an hour without peeing my pants! lol) and on the way in over heard something I can't get out of my mind, has completely put me into a place of shock and just shows were things (at least in my neck of the woods) in the world are going. Why I keep thinking about this and can't let it go is out of my thought process- it's just one of those boggling things.
As I approached the doors 3 women came out and were talking loudly. One of the 3 started to complain. You could tell it was going to be one of those complaints that just look bad, by her tone of voice and volume. "That's a waste of time", she said. "You get to pick 2 small things or one large thing. And it's all stupid stuff! I could've bought that stuff at the store!" "Yeah" is all I heard from the other women's' replies, as I walked past into the doors. Wow! I thought then why are you here?
I get into the toy shop and wait very little time, to meet with my personal helper (a teen girl, of about 14 or 15, who tells you what you can do, takes you to the age sections, and carries around the big red bag you fill up). Sweet girl she was- smiled the whole time and looked happy to be helping. So the woman was right- you can choose one large toy or two small toys. For my kids I choose the one large toy for C and P (neither will mind only one thing) and for B and O the 2 small toys. Really there wasn't a lot of difference in what was small or large- it was more the price of things that made them fit their category. The selection was good- I was easily able to find things the fit my children well- their interests and likes/dislikes. I was still very grateful for what was there- no let down at all. When we reached the teen section, my helper quietly threw in my bag two extra gifts off the large table - I hadn't even mentioned I had 2 older teens that didn't qualify for the age of the program- she just did it out of kindness.
We have something for the kids for under the tree from Santa- something we would've had to choose to do knowing we were putting ourselves into a riskier place financially or not done at all. I am so grateful that programs are out there like this and we could use it when we need it. Not everyone has this or even knows about it and some choose not to out of pride. Charity, when you're on the receiving end, is a bad word. For me it reminds me I'm human and have choices and I can let myself get in the way or find help where I can. It gives me extra gratitude for those out there that help and when I am able being able to help those in need. I makes me humble to the nature that can be the human spirit.
Women like the ones I overheard on my way in, are putting energy out there that I think more and more are picking up on and putting out there. No Gratitude for what others are doing for them or those in the world as a whole. (A little rant here now:) If you can go get those things from the store then why don't you! Why the hell are you using a program meant for those who really need it! You people make me sick- really you do. We that need for real and use it- are grateful, it's our only option! What are you expecting?! Wiis, bikes, robots, cell phones?! Get real! Get a new attitude or just go away! (Alright judgemental rant over....I know judgement is bad but it's human and sometimes if you don't speak up when someone is in the wrong you are letting them get away with hurting others. Sometimes people need to speak up.)
From a recipient of a charity program this year: Thank you for helping. If you've donated a toy- thank you. If you've dropped spare change into the little red kettle- Thank you. If you're made a food donation to a local food bank- Thank you. These are usually little things that don't get much thanks but the gratitude this recipient feels for people like you is huge. It's these little things that really count to the everyday people out there. And it helps to remind us that when we are in a better place to make sure to give it back. If I can't do it financially soon then I'll do it in deeds or donations of our unneeded/out-grown things. Just Pay It Forward.
Thank you, just thank you. <3
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
T-day & Gratitude
In years past I've had much to be thankful for on Thanksgiving- friends, family, health. This is year I am thankful for strangers and their kindness.
This year we've struggled financially- living pay check to pay check, bill to bill. When birthday season (starts in August) came we began to worry about the Holidays at the same time. As it is we spend roughly $20-30 on each child for their birthday presents each year and this year has been even harder to come by that. So the holidays seemed impossible. How could we ever have enough money to spend even that little on each child all at once? We knew we couldn't. So we did what most parents do- worry and guilt. But I couldn't let that be all we did...we had to get to action, figure out how we could make it. And this year I knew we'd have to ask for help. But not in the usual places.
I had 2 places I knew I could go and I went. The first is a place I hold dear in my heart and have in the past been able to help others. We have received so much help already from here it's overwhelming! And it's not even December yet. I want and need for nothing for this new baby especially. And have received so much for others in the family. But just the kind thoughts and prayers from those that send them this way have come through too!
The second place I went to was Toys for Tots . In past years we've always tried to give at least one toy to this great program, knowing that the families that use it need the help and we could, in the least, help. This year we need the help. They do not have help for older teens (at least in my area) but for ours under the age of 14 we will get something.
It's hard to admit you need help. Pride wants to get in the way. But this is not for me its for them. And even though we all make do, at least this year the burden will not fall on them to feel.
I am grateful for those that help others they don't know just because they can and are willing. I am grateful to have been able to help in past years and to know because there are others out there that do the same we can ask for help. I am grateful to know this is for this year and in the future things will be better. I am grateful for the hope and love and faith I am receiving from all over our country.
I am grateful also for our MW- who is taking a chance on us and helping us give our little one the "home coming" he deserves.
Without the kindness of others this year it'd be too hard too bear.
I am thankful for YOU!
(Please think of helping this year for you never know who will need help. It could be a friend, family member, neighbor or just a random stranger that needs a little boost just this year.)
This year we've struggled financially- living pay check to pay check, bill to bill. When birthday season (starts in August) came we began to worry about the Holidays at the same time. As it is we spend roughly $20-30 on each child for their birthday presents each year and this year has been even harder to come by that. So the holidays seemed impossible. How could we ever have enough money to spend even that little on each child all at once? We knew we couldn't. So we did what most parents do- worry and guilt. But I couldn't let that be all we did...we had to get to action, figure out how we could make it. And this year I knew we'd have to ask for help. But not in the usual places.
I had 2 places I knew I could go and I went. The first is a place I hold dear in my heart and have in the past been able to help others. We have received so much help already from here it's overwhelming! And it's not even December yet. I want and need for nothing for this new baby especially. And have received so much for others in the family. But just the kind thoughts and prayers from those that send them this way have come through too!
The second place I went to was Toys for Tots . In past years we've always tried to give at least one toy to this great program, knowing that the families that use it need the help and we could, in the least, help. This year we need the help. They do not have help for older teens (at least in my area) but for ours under the age of 14 we will get something.
It's hard to admit you need help. Pride wants to get in the way. But this is not for me its for them. And even though we all make do, at least this year the burden will not fall on them to feel.
I am grateful for those that help others they don't know just because they can and are willing. I am grateful to have been able to help in past years and to know because there are others out there that do the same we can ask for help. I am grateful to know this is for this year and in the future things will be better. I am grateful for the hope and love and faith I am receiving from all over our country.
I am grateful also for our MW- who is taking a chance on us and helping us give our little one the "home coming" he deserves.
Without the kindness of others this year it'd be too hard too bear.
I am thankful for YOU!
(Please think of helping this year for you never know who will need help. It could be a friend, family member, neighbor or just a random stranger that needs a little boost just this year.)
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Are You Done Yet?!
These simple words are often used everyday. Are you done eating yet? Are done in the bathroom yet? Are done......(fill in the blank) yet? Most people probably don't even think about the fact they are using them.
But as soon as you start having children, and usually after the second, they words are quite common to hear soon after the birth of another addition to a family arrives. And I don't think people think about how rude these words can be!
I first heard these words after the birth of my first son, and now my family was "complete"- a girl and a boy the perfect American Dream! "So you're done right?!" Well Gee I don't know- I'm 18 and in a bad relationship, hoping for the day I can get free and find someone who really loves me. And maybe he'll want children of his own and I'll want another- thoughts that go through my head as I say "I don't know".
And then I find him and we have a child and again I am asked "Are you done yet?". I've been asked this EVERY TIME I've given birth. And as the number of children I have increase so do the questions (and rudeness of the questions). "Are you getting fixed?" Umm am I broken? "How many DO you WANT?" Really this one I can't answer- when it feels right the time will come and I have set limitations on my body (all by myself- because guess what I'm a big girl now and get to make those decisions!). I know I don't want to have children after 35- I am 33 now so as you can see the road is coming to an end.
When you start having children or even just when you reach adulthood it seems your life and sex life become open game. People don't realize they shouldn't ask those kinds of questions, or think how they may make others feel. I love it when someone hears about our big family and congratulates us- but usually this is from foreigners that believe large families are a good thing!
Do you think that normally it would be okay to ask complete strangers "did you have sex last night?" But it's okay to ask a mother or father "Are you done yet?" or "Are you getting fixed?"
Our sex life and reproductive life really are none of your business and those questions make parents feel inferior.
Why does your opinion (and yes it comes out in your tone! Even if your question is innocent) really matter? Why do you feel the need to ask such a personal question and judge our choices? Don't you realize it makes others feel inadequate? Or less of as a parent? Didn't your mother teach you to think before you talk? "Do you want more?" is at least a little more positive!
So next time a friend, family member or stranger has a child please don't ask "Are you done yet?"- please instead try to be positive and supportive (something society has lost the knowledge of how to do and something we actively have to try and do). Step back and see these parents as the talented people they are for raising children, whether it's 1, 2, or 9. Parenting is THE hardest job in the world. And ignorantly, or blindly, being unsupportive of that journey is one of the worst blows to a parents self-esteem you can do.
"Am I done yet?" I don't know- maybe but maybe not. We don't see this as a decision that is completely up to us- and leave it in Our Higher Powers hands. There is a question of whether or not it's even possible and that just makes the question that much more hurtful. You see you never have all the information!
But as soon as you start having children, and usually after the second, they words are quite common to hear soon after the birth of another addition to a family arrives. And I don't think people think about how rude these words can be!
I first heard these words after the birth of my first son, and now my family was "complete"- a girl and a boy the perfect American Dream! "So you're done right?!" Well Gee I don't know- I'm 18 and in a bad relationship, hoping for the day I can get free and find someone who really loves me. And maybe he'll want children of his own and I'll want another- thoughts that go through my head as I say "I don't know".
And then I find him and we have a child and again I am asked "Are you done yet?". I've been asked this EVERY TIME I've given birth. And as the number of children I have increase so do the questions (and rudeness of the questions). "Are you getting fixed?" Umm am I broken? "How many DO you WANT?" Really this one I can't answer- when it feels right the time will come and I have set limitations on my body (all by myself- because guess what I'm a big girl now and get to make those decisions!). I know I don't want to have children after 35- I am 33 now so as you can see the road is coming to an end.
When you start having children or even just when you reach adulthood it seems your life and sex life become open game. People don't realize they shouldn't ask those kinds of questions, or think how they may make others feel. I love it when someone hears about our big family and congratulates us- but usually this is from foreigners that believe large families are a good thing!
Do you think that normally it would be okay to ask complete strangers "did you have sex last night?" But it's okay to ask a mother or father "Are you done yet?" or "Are you getting fixed?"
Our sex life and reproductive life really are none of your business and those questions make parents feel inferior.
Why does your opinion (and yes it comes out in your tone! Even if your question is innocent) really matter? Why do you feel the need to ask such a personal question and judge our choices? Don't you realize it makes others feel inadequate? Or less of as a parent? Didn't your mother teach you to think before you talk? "Do you want more?" is at least a little more positive!
So next time a friend, family member or stranger has a child please don't ask "Are you done yet?"- please instead try to be positive and supportive (something society has lost the knowledge of how to do and something we actively have to try and do). Step back and see these parents as the talented people they are for raising children, whether it's 1, 2, or 9. Parenting is THE hardest job in the world. And ignorantly, or blindly, being unsupportive of that journey is one of the worst blows to a parents self-esteem you can do.
"Am I done yet?" I don't know- maybe but maybe not. We don't see this as a decision that is completely up to us- and leave it in Our Higher Powers hands. There is a question of whether or not it's even possible and that just makes the question that much more hurtful. You see you never have all the information!
"Are YOU done yet?!"
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Co-sleeping and America
This will be a little deeper than teddy bears and food. And please be aware this is only my opinion, you don't have to agree and you can take what you like and leave the rest.
Recently I've been noticing a shift in information from the medical community and researchers about co-sleeping, and crying it out (from here out referred to CIO). Even my very mainstream doctor is advocating co-sleeping. Both of these parenting "choices", along with nursing (breast feeding), are very important parts of attachment parenting. But here I feel I must stop and define co-sleeping as my doctor sees it and bedsharing. Co-sleeping is sleeping in the same room as your infant/child but not necessarily in the same bed. And bedsharing is just that- sharing a bed with your infant/child. Both were done for ages through out history, with a trend of moving away and giving children their own space and bed to foster "independence", only happening in the last oh hundred years, give or take.
When my oldest was born she "needed her own space and bed (crib)" I was told- so she would learn right away to not be dependent on me. Oh okay- I was 17 and knew nothing and believed everything I was told. I tried but her cries and my sleep deprivation, won out and I secretly brought her in with me. I did what felt natural and at ease with myself. I co-slept with all my children from then on. The last 3 I bedshared with for as long as THEY needed- anywhere from 6 months till over a year. Many a night pass where I still wake up with an extra body in my bed with us.
My sister had her first son in July of last year and we visited her in the hospital. She planned on breast feeding and to encourage a successful experience I encouraged to co-sleep with her new son, even in the hospital "But don't let the nurses catch you or they'll probably yell at you" I told her (as was my experience where I delivered), I was happily surprised when she told me they encourage co-sleeping there to promote good breast feeding! Wow, this was such a change from the nurses telling me I'd drop the baby or may roll over on him/her. How I had to train myself to rouse, while in the hospital, when ever anyone came into the room, as to avoid getting yelled at like a little kid caught with their hand in the cookie jar before dinner.
A recent study done by Harvard University (http://www.news.harvard.edu/gazette/1998/04.09/ChildrenNeedTou.html) titled Children Need Touching and Attention, brought up a point I wanted to touch on. "The result, Commons and Miller said, is a nation that doesn't like caring for its own children, a violent nation marked by loose, nonphysical relationships." I feel this sentence sums up Americas decline as a nation as a whole. I hear people bitch (excuse my language) about the decline of the American Family and American Culture. ( and here comes my rant) Well yeah duh! We pride ourselves on so much INDEPENDENCE, that we have missed the boat on the real problem- loss of community and knowing how to use others to better and enrich our lives! To form loving and caring bonds, starting within families, that teach us how to lean on others in times of need. Instead we laugh, and shrug off pain and suffering all around us. What gets taught with CIO is we don't respond to others needs and solely to rely on ourselves. That when we're in need no one is there for us.
"The way we are brought up colors our entire society, Commons and Miller say. Americans in general don't like to be touched and pride themselves on independence to the point of isolation, even when undergoing a difficult or stressful time."
""There are ways to grow up and be independent without putting babies through this trauma," Commons said. "My advice is to keep the kids secure so they can grow up and take some risks.""
I do not profess to be a perfect mother- I know I am far from it, but I am trying to raise my children to be attached to our family and other special people in their lives and be to self assured, independent. My boys have been called "Mama's boys" forever- I'm okay with that, because it means we have a strong bond that will see them through life and as evidence I have a 15 year old son who knows who he is and isn't afraid to be himself around others- and stand up for his differences. Who advocates for the under dog, but is still 15 and can be self-absorbed.
It's great to have this movement in mainstream medical opinion and that is making its way to mainstream America- I hope the shift will bring about a shift back to dependence on others, to community based society. This information is not new to some and their voices are starting to be heard a little more clearly now, without as many raised eyebrows attached. I may not be viewed as a "hippy" for much longer! lol
I swear there was more but now its left- so I feel I made my point and something bigger than me is telling me to stop!
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of
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Recently I've been noticing a shift in information from the medical community and researchers about co-sleeping, and crying it out (from here out referred to CIO). Even my very mainstream doctor is advocating co-sleeping. Both of these parenting "choices", along with nursing (breast feeding), are very important parts of attachment parenting. But here I feel I must stop and define co-sleeping as my doctor sees it and bedsharing. Co-sleeping is sleeping in the same room as your infant/child but not necessarily in the same bed. And bedsharing is just that- sharing a bed with your infant/child. Both were done for ages through out history, with a trend of moving away and giving children their own space and bed to foster "independence", only happening in the last oh hundred years, give or take.
When my oldest was born she "needed her own space and bed (crib)" I was told- so she would learn right away to not be dependent on me. Oh okay- I was 17 and knew nothing and believed everything I was told. I tried but her cries and my sleep deprivation, won out and I secretly brought her in with me. I did what felt natural and at ease with myself. I co-slept with all my children from then on. The last 3 I bedshared with for as long as THEY needed- anywhere from 6 months till over a year. Many a night pass where I still wake up with an extra body in my bed with us.
My sister had her first son in July of last year and we visited her in the hospital. She planned on breast feeding and to encourage a successful experience I encouraged to co-sleep with her new son, even in the hospital "But don't let the nurses catch you or they'll probably yell at you" I told her (as was my experience where I delivered), I was happily surprised when she told me they encourage co-sleeping there to promote good breast feeding! Wow, this was such a change from the nurses telling me I'd drop the baby or may roll over on him/her. How I had to train myself to rouse, while in the hospital, when ever anyone came into the room, as to avoid getting yelled at like a little kid caught with their hand in the cookie jar before dinner.
A recent study done by Harvard University (http://www.news.harvard.edu/gazette/1998/04.09/ChildrenNeedTou.html) titled Children Need Touching and Attention, brought up a point I wanted to touch on. "The result, Commons and Miller said, is a nation that doesn't like caring for its own children, a violent nation marked by loose, nonphysical relationships." I feel this sentence sums up Americas decline as a nation as a whole. I hear people bitch (excuse my language) about the decline of the American Family and American Culture. ( and here comes my rant) Well yeah duh! We pride ourselves on so much INDEPENDENCE, that we have missed the boat on the real problem- loss of community and knowing how to use others to better and enrich our lives! To form loving and caring bonds, starting within families, that teach us how to lean on others in times of need. Instead we laugh, and shrug off pain and suffering all around us. What gets taught with CIO is we don't respond to others needs and solely to rely on ourselves. That when we're in need no one is there for us.
"The way we are brought up colors our entire society, Commons and Miller say. Americans in general don't like to be touched and pride themselves on independence to the point of isolation, even when undergoing a difficult or stressful time."
""There are ways to grow up and be independent without putting babies through this trauma," Commons said. "My advice is to keep the kids secure so they can grow up and take some risks.""
I do not profess to be a perfect mother- I know I am far from it, but I am trying to raise my children to be attached to our family and other special people in their lives and be to self assured, independent. My boys have been called "Mama's boys" forever- I'm okay with that, because it means we have a strong bond that will see them through life and as evidence I have a 15 year old son who knows who he is and isn't afraid to be himself around others- and stand up for his differences. Who advocates for the under dog, but is still 15 and can be self-absorbed.
It's great to have this movement in mainstream medical opinion and that is making its way to mainstream America- I hope the shift will bring about a shift back to dependence on others, to community based society. This information is not new to some and their voices are starting to be heard a little more clearly now, without as many raised eyebrows attached. I may not be viewed as a "hippy" for much longer! lol
I swear there was more but now its left- so I feel I made my point and something bigger than me is telling me to stop!
Member
of
TheMomBlogs.com
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