Losing It

This is my 200th post (there are 3 unpublished, that someday I'll get to). 200 posts since June 25th 2009, a little over 2 years of blogging. Life has had its ups and downs, with more downs than ups. I've tried to stay positive and make it through them all. And I know we'll make it through the next, when I don't know, how is another story.

It's no secret we struggle, we work hard and live an honest life. We do the next right thing everyday. We pinch pennies, we've gotten help financially from my mother, we've been holding on and moving forward, no matter how hard or hopeless things seem. We know our priorities and we take care of them. Some months rent isn't fully paid until the end of the month but it's paid and we start scratching again, pushing off bills to the disconnect notice. But our situation is not unique- there are countless other families that are struggling and losing it, all over the country. More and more daily over the past 3 years.

My husband works as many hours as he can get, searches for a second job daily to no avail. I do what I can, my part. But patience wears thin. With so many others out there struggling, those with power are losing their own options. Making business decisions- keeping the heart out of them.There's always a bottom line, and that needs to be met, whether in a family/household or in a small business. The government says the recession is over (really? why then are they raising the debt ceiling?)- and in part this may be true. There may be more money going into business but a lot of that has more to do with the fact that we still have to put money out. Businesses may be seeing an up-swing but they too are being cautious, and not putting that money back out there- not making new hires, or if they are paying lower than normal wages and not giving raises. The money may be going in but it's not coming back out.

Our bottom line...we're losing our home. It doesn't matter that we can pay in the rent in full next week. It doesn't matter that we've always made sure the rent paid is #1 priority. It may be late (and we pay the late fee for that) but we get it paid. It doesn't matter that my husbands work is supposed to pick up by the end of the month, making it easier to make things meet. It doesn't matter he had a interview for a second job (with a good chance of getting it) and will know mid-week next week. We have a little as two weeks as many as six. But we know we'll have to be out by the end of September. Where we go is completely unknown. We know we can't afford the costs of moving to a new place. We know it'll be impossible to find someone to rent to us, it was hard before...now it's not going to happen. We don't have the family here to stay with, and our family is too large to stay in the family shelters. We don't know where we'll go.

We're in the process of downsizing our things. We have to make at least four piles. One- to get rid off (whether to the trash or to donate). One- we want to keep but may have to put in storage (and this pile may have to be broken down into two itself, must keeps like kitchen stuff, and would like to like dressers and dining room chairs.) One- must haves, like a weeks worth of clothes for us each, and a few toys for the kids, important papers. One- of things we could possibly make money off (if there's time to have a yard sale, or at a pawn shop). It took us two months to pack to move into here...we may just have two weeks to move out. (My husband asked me last night "How many families to you think, have had to do this in the last year?" My answer "Too many. And add in all those from the years before.")

Each day brings new questions and few answers. We have accepted our lot, we take the blame. How do we find answers to questions without a clue.  We need to stay grateful for what we do have- at the moment that breaks down to two easy things: Each other and the fact my husband has a job (so many out still don't and still are losing theirs). This is all still sinking in (it only happened yesterday afternoon, at a great surprise-DH was told to come in and sign an agreement stating we'd be paid up by next next, but instead was told it was too late. And there was nothing he could do about it- even if we came up with the money that day.) and uncertain what the outcome will be.

We're losing a lot. Everyone.