So this is what I am thinking of myself today- SLACKER! I know I'm in a mood and part of it is hormones but I just can't seem to throw off this sinking feeling I get when I look around my house. When we moved in here 3 short months ago I had a place for everything, created spaces for my family to store common used items and threw away things (or recylced what I could) that were no longer needed. NOW no one puts anything where it belongs and I am left following along behind cleaning up their messes. I don't mind doing this for the baby or even O some, they are young and are still learning (well I'm trying to teach them but the influence of older people is stronger than mine and so is not going as well as I hoped). I'd love to say this is just the children but it's not. My wonderful hard working husband has become a slacker too. And I find myself doing more and more each day. Yes, I have tried talking to him about it and he hates that I feel I have to yell at everyone to get them to cooperate but he still is going down with them.
Then it comes back to ME! And my distorted brain. I feel guilt that I'm not able to keep up, do it all and feel like others should be helping out more, especially guilt towards the husband. He works 40+ hours a week at a job where he's on his feet the whole time and is waiting to hear about another full time job (so he'd be work both- over 80 hours). And he does help more than most but less than even 6 months ago.
Why do I feel like I should/have to be the one doing it all? Why do I get angry that I expect my children to be some what self sufficent? Why can't I just let somethings go? (I know the answer to that one: Because I don't do clutter/messes well and am better able to deal with everyday life when I can actually relax and feel free from clutter.)
I wash dishes daily but still have it pile up by morning. I sweep and vaccum everyother day. I mop once a week (this is a comfortable in between for me other wise I obsess about it- also my whole house needs mopping, we have no carpet but in the attic.). Laundry- I was doing a load a day and was able to keep up but since the washer/dryer are in the basement and I can't carry it up and down the stairs on my own right now, I am down to washing when I can get someone else to carry it up and down for me. Which by the way is like once a week, and with washing for 5 people (the oldest 3 kids "do" their own) and cloth diapers, it then takes me 2 days of constant washing to get it all done! (I HATE laundry clutter!) There is so much more I do daily but never seems like I've done anything. I reach my wits end about once a week!
So today I feel like a slacker and am angry and guilty all at the same time- with cycles that is. Today I'll do what I normally do and maybe try to add one thing to help feel less cluttered, and restrain myself from throwing everyone's clutter out the window! Really WHY to people feel the need to have so much junk/stuff?!
Yes I'm breathing. But also want to cry too!
(Sorry this is just where I am today.)