So this is what I am thinking of myself today- SLACKER! I know I'm in a mood and part of it is hormones but I just can't seem to throw off this sinking feeling I get when I look around my house. When we moved in here 3 short months ago I had a place for everything, created spaces for my family to store common used items and threw away things (or recylced what I could) that were no longer needed. NOW no one puts anything where it belongs and I am left following along behind cleaning up their messes. I don't mind doing this for the baby or even O some, they are young and are still learning (well I'm trying to teach them but the influence of older people is stronger than mine and so is not going as well as I hoped). I'd love to say this is just the children but it's not. My wonderful hard working husband has become a slacker too. And I find myself doing more and more each day. Yes, I have tried talking to him about it and he hates that I feel I have to yell at everyone to get them to cooperate but he still is going down with them.
Then it comes back to ME! And my distorted brain. I feel guilt that I'm not able to keep up, do it all and feel like others should be helping out more, especially guilt towards the husband. He works 40+ hours a week at a job where he's on his feet the whole time and is waiting to hear about another full time job (so he'd be work both- over 80 hours). And he does help more than most but less than even 6 months ago.
Why do I feel like I should/have to be the one doing it all? Why do I get angry that I expect my children to be some what self sufficent? Why can't I just let somethings go? (I know the answer to that one: Because I don't do clutter/messes well and am better able to deal with everyday life when I can actually relax and feel free from clutter.)
I wash dishes daily but still have it pile up by morning. I sweep and vaccum everyother day. I mop once a week (this is a comfortable in between for me other wise I obsess about it- also my whole house needs mopping, we have no carpet but in the attic.). Laundry- I was doing a load a day and was able to keep up but since the washer/dryer are in the basement and I can't carry it up and down the stairs on my own right now, I am down to washing when I can get someone else to carry it up and down for me. Which by the way is like once a week, and with washing for 5 people (the oldest 3 kids "do" their own) and cloth diapers, it then takes me 2 days of constant washing to get it all done! (I HATE laundry clutter!) There is so much more I do daily but never seems like I've done anything. I reach my wits end about once a week!
So today I feel like a slacker and am angry and guilty all at the same time- with cycles that is. Today I'll do what I normally do and maybe try to add one thing to help feel less cluttered, and restrain myself from throwing everyone's clutter out the window! Really WHY to people feel the need to have so much junk/stuff?!
Yes I'm breathing. But also want to cry too!
(Sorry this is just where I am today.)
Uhm, get out of my head! Seriously though, I think it's a pregnancy thing.
ReplyDeleteFor the older kids that can "get it" more readily I'd handle it like my parents did...Obviously if you leave it on the floor it's not important to you. It only took once for my bio dad to walk into my room (after I refused to clean it) and pick up a trashbag full of stuff and donate it. It seems harsh, but if they can't take care of their things maybe someone less fortunate will appreciate them more! Just an opinion (I don't want to tell you how to raise your kids!!)
I know you said you talked to your husband...but did you REALLY talk to him or just mention it? I know that once DH saw how upset the whole thing made me it helped him keep up with things a little bit more.
I'm about to blog about how I overcame some of this...so watch for it today. Maybe I can help...
Kas- We have done the garbage bag thing in the past. It worked for like a week- and really their rooms aren't the issue (yes it takes a bit of nagging but they do clean them when told) it's the messes they leave in the main part of the house and the fighting I get if/when I ask them to do something other than their ONE chore each (yes they only have one chore each to do. My oldest DD is supposed to be the one sweeping and vacuuming. My oldest DS takes out the trash and brings the outdoor trash to the alley on garbage day. and the younger DDs each have to unload a rack in the DW.)and taking things away doesn't work, I refuse to reward children how doing something they are asked to do (I don't think it teaches them to respect elders- I do ask nicely because I try to lead by example and live by the treat others how you want to be treated moto).
ReplyDeleteAs for DH yes I have really talked to him. Remember how I told you I made a list of EVERYTHING I do on a regular basis around the house just to keep up?! He knows and he also believes the kids should be doing more but if they don't see him doing anything they think it flies for them too- lead by example right?! He's SO INTO stupid Pokemon video games right now and really it at the root of the issues- he escapse to things (like books, video games, hobbies in general) when he's feeling stressed. Not trying to make excuse because there are none that are good enough but he knows how I feel!
You are not a slacker. Period. I too am struggling with this, so here's what I do. All week long I maintain. I give the kids one thing to do every night. Then I spend half hour or so picking up, vacuuming, whatever. Then I do the main cleaning on the weekend. And I do one thing that's been making me nuts, like the junk cabinet (yeah it's a whole cabinet, not a drawer! LOL) Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. And dh cleaned up after himself when he left for this job for the first time ever...so maybe my grumping about it for so long is finally sinking in???
ReplyDeleteOH! And the dh leading by example thing...just had that discussion too...
ReplyDeleteI agree that your DH not doing much contributes to the kids not doing much. It IS very much lead by example (and I've had this talk with my DH). Maybe start throwing their stuff that they leave in common rooms in a bin with a lid that's hidden away? After a couple of weeks head down to the local shelter. Seriously. If they ask for an item that you've taken make them earn it back. ONE chore a night isn't enough IMO. Especially with older kids. They can handle more and should be able to do so.
ReplyDeleteI read a story once where a mom got her son to start doing dishes (supposed to be his chore) She stopped washing his dinner dishes and would just set them aside. When she made the table she would set his dirty dishes in front of him and tell him, "If it grosses you out you can wash them...like you're supposed to anyway." Apparently, it only took a few days.
I'm sorry. I grew up having to help out. Yeah, my parents weren't healthy when it came to most of the stuff that they did (my Sdad mostly) BUT I learned life skills and how to take care of business. I find it disrespectful when kids don't help around the house. You're living there FOR FREE basically.
Maybe a big family meeting? With that many people in one house it may be the only way. Set aside a day and tell everyone to make a list of what THEY think is fair and then listen respectfully (*as long as they remain respectful) and discuss it out.
I agree with Kas on the big family meeting. Not trying to be a witch, but the older ones need to do more! I cant imagine how hard it is to pick up after 7 people. Isa helps out a lot but Im still overwhelmed!
ReplyDelete(((hugs)))
Oh and FYI, the chores Isa does is
-feed and water the cat
-collect bottles and oral syringes
-puts her clean clothes away and collects her dirty clothes
-picks up all of Fifis toys every night
-once a week or so I "let" her wet swiffer the kitchen, she LOVES it
I make her change pee dipes a few times a day and play with the baby to give me a break. I think the total time spent on all those chores is MAYBE 20 min. I think if the olders picked up some chores from you, you could get a well deserved break!