Wordless Wednesday: Randomness of Home

Rainbows

3 years ago I found a group of mommies that were "like" me and expecting little ones at the same time as I was. Over the course of our pregnancies we grew closer, building bonds through words, common interests and growing bellies. We shared our experiences, strength and hopes.

We neared the end, all waiting to see the sons and daughters that had been growing inside us for so long. A few came early and made the wait for the rest of us so much harder. But we were all still happily expecting.

And then we heard of tragedy. One of us had lost her son before he was ever able to take a breath. We cried and were broken hearted for our friend J.

~Soren was born March 29th, 2009~

We all sat with bated breath. Praying. Hoping. Wishing it wasn't so. So unfair, a mama should never have live through that.

And then we heard the news. Another friend had lost her son too. Another life born without a breath. Our hearts were shattered for D. So many mamas had to leave and grieve for our friends.

~William was born April 1st, 2009~

The loss of those two little ones is still remembered by us "strangers" on the other side of a keyboard each year. And everyday. I remember whenever I look at C. There are two mamas out there with a whole in their lives and hearts. I remember.

This year I light a candle on their birthdays and send love out to them and those that remember and love them more than anyone else.

Gone but not forgotten.

The Kitchen Towel

About a month back the husband and I were shopping at our favorite thrift store and I saw this kitchen towel. I was drawn to it- had to have it. And at a $1.25 felt no guilt about buying it. I grabbed it and threw it in the cart. I had no reasonable explanation as to why I needed it so bad other than maybe pregnancy hormones but it was oh so cute and called to me!


I got home and took it out of the bag, to bring it into the kitchen where it belonged. On the way I got an overwhelming urge to smell it. I buried my head and took a big whiff!


"Oh my god!" Tears sprang to my eyes. My eldest daughter was standing right there and saw my unusually reaction- "What?! Let me smell!" I gently hand it to her and she sniffs. "It's G-ma!" she exclaims! "I know!" says me.


Now my eldest son was just outside the room and hears our exclamations and comes in- unaware of what we're actually talking about but curious why we're standing there smelling this kitchen towel. He says "Let me smell" and without telling him what we smell I hand it over. "I know that smell. What is it? Wait I know but I can't figure it out." Eldest- "It's G-ma!" T- "Yes! That's it!" So here the three of us are standing around in the kitchen smelling this thrift store towel. Each with our own memories coming back and me with tears in my eyes.


See G-ma is my grandmother and she passed about 9 years back. My oldest 2 were lucky enough to create memories of her, the youngers missed out. My grandmother, as most grandmothers do, held a very special place in my heart and some days I miss her terribly.


And this holiday season she seemed to be around, in spirit, even more than others. My Aunt, Mother, Cousins and I (each separately) felt the need to try creating some of her recipes for Christmas cookies and candies. And just in general felt her presence all around.


I wish she had been able to meet my 3 youngest sons and create memories with my middle daughters. They all would have loved her as I did. I have so many memories and triggers for old memories (Hi-C orange in a can, Fruit Loops and Apple Jacks, Snuggle Fabric softener- the scent of her place, her and the thrift store kitchen towel).


So in the end the kitchen towel did not get put in the kitchen- I wrapped in a plastic bag and placed on the table next to my bed- for when I needed her near. I recently shared the kitchen towel and it's scent with my mom but she didn't get the same reaction as I did or the children, funny how somethings work for some and not others.


Will I ever use the towel? I don't know but it's my favorite at the moment.