I think most people who read my blog know this, but there may be a few out there that don't. I have heard "I thought you were done" about a million times now but 2 things about that: 1) I can't 100% say I remember saying those words exactly (I may have because I felt pressure from you to commit to it, even though I didn't truly feel that way in my heart. This is a decision that is solely between my DH and I, and you're obvious feelings that our decision some how impacts your life were too overwhelming for me not to give you the answer you sought!) and 2) Things change, feelings change and humans get to change their minds. I love being human!
So we're expecting our 7th child, our 4th son, on DH's birthday, 2/2/11. We've already named him (Jakob Eli-Cain). Yup, 2 middle names because we loved them both and the whole thing just flows naturally. He is quite active, and perfectly proportioned, like his big brother C. I'm about 22 weeks along and he's sitting breech at the moment- I know he still has turned because I can feel him tap dancing on my bladder and pelvic bone. We're excited.
Prenatal care and my choices have been an issue for me this time around. With C the birth was very much like my others but that time around I knew better as to what I wanted and what I should/could expect. I primarily just wanted to be listened to- this is important for all pregnant mothers. If you don't feel safe, secure and listened to, then you're not going to be heard or experience the birth you want and should have. It's very easy to get caught up in the flow of labor and birth and let those w/all the experience lead you but when you've had the experience before you really do have expectations and that's ok. With C I was not listened to- the biggest breaker for me was telling the staff I needed to push and not being allowed to till after they finished the epidural, which then affected my ability to push and unnecessarily drew my labor out. (this is the short version- please see C's birth story, he'd be #6.) So I'd decided right after his birth that I'd never have a child at that hospital or clinic again.
So I went on a search for my birth options back in June when we discovered I was pregnant again. I knew a few things I wanted: I didn't want to be stuck in a bed the whole time, I didn't want to have to push laying down (really this was invented by a male doctor to make it easier on himself, not the mother- we should be using gravity to get our babies out!), and I wanted a water birth. There are 2 hospital in the metro area that offer this...and one is over 30 mins away so out of the question for me. The other has its own midwives that have exclusive rights to the birth tubs- not even the obs get to use them. So I found their clinic that met our needs (mostly appts on DH's days off- so he can attend with me). And have been seeing the MW there (there's multiple MWs but only one that serves that clinic.). I would love to say things are going great but they're not. Period.
I feel as if I am being set up for failure. Every time I go in there's a "new" surprise. And ultimately it looks like I am trying to be pushed out of the MW group and in with the doctors. Why? Mainly because I have developed Gestational Diabetes with my last to pregnancies and will probably develop it again this time. And I am refusing to take the Glucola test- I'll go into why on this on another blog (I am planning on doing one just on GD someday in the near future), but the long and the short of it is I am willing to test my blood sugar the whole pregnancy and don't see the point in the test.
DH and I have kicked around the idea of a homebirth (please everyone don't be scared! It is perfectly safe with a trained homebirth midwife! I'll give links to stats another blog.) but the biggest hold up was always the cost! Money is always tight here for us and shelling out of pocket lots of $$$ does not sit well with DH. But I came home in tears from my last appt and after explaining what I'd been told this time (like I said earlier each time I went there was SOMETHING new and discouraging told to me) DH told me to find a HB MW (homebirth midwife) and he'd figure out some way to pay for it. (What was I told? Well basically we keep moving farther and farther away from being able to birth w/the midwives and use the birth tub- the whole point of choosing them!)
I've since discovered that our insurance will pay for my prenatal and post-natal care (they have to- no matter where I go). Not the actual birth but hey it's a big chunk off us. And yes a HB MW is an option for someone with GD, as long as I keep my blood sugars intact (which actually this time around has been easier/really good!). I worry more about J being breech now. But have looked at the Spinningbabies website and know we have time to get him to turn.
But that's where we are at the moment- still looking and gestating. I'll obviously be doing more blogs on my pg over the next 4 months so watch for them!