Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Still Winter

It's still winter here..going on 5 months and honestly to me, it doesn't feel like the end is in sight yet. So we may have 6 month by the time it really ends. This was not unusual way back when but the last few years have spoiled us, spring coming in March with the thaw in February. Even natives are done this year. We've had over 80 inches of snow (that's 7+ FEET) and the cold started in November and hasn't let up really yet (it's still struggling to get to 30*f)- on average it's been 18* colder this year than last, so many days in the single digits. Done done done- is the word of mouth here.

We all have cabin fever and spring fever at once. And I have little hope the cabin fever will subside much when spring does arrive- my neighbor downstairs has 2 big dogs and hasn't once cleaned up poop this whole winter. So when we did have a short thaw a few weeks ago the snow melting revealed a yard full of poop land mines- not something where my children will be able to play, unless she cleans it up. It's sad and angering and totally frustrating! I love having a yard with a fence in a neighborhood where I feel safe enough to let my kids out without me- and ahhh, anyways you can probably already feel my frustration so I'll stop.

I'm having days where I feeling really trapped, by life and situations. We're down to one car, DH takes it to work and the weather is not favorable to little ones (as I said earlier) and so I'm home with the kids all week without reprieve, alone. And we're trying to play catch up with our finances, since DH was out of work for a month, and failing- we get one bill payed up and then the next it there but there's no money to pay it so now we're back to square one and nothing more coming in. It's a spiral that's only deepening. And the feelings of no control and being trapped have me wanting to run- to make a fresh start somewhere. Somewhere cheaper and warmer. Someday (after T graduates) we'll be moving south, where it's cheaper and warmer in winter. But today I got just get through today.

A friend sent me a bit of money, just for me to use on me. Usually I'd spend this money on something WE needed but I'm really trying not to this time. Selflessness can be a fault especially when we give away everything that's meant for us. I had thought I'd like to get a hair cut (haven't done that in years, I usually cut my own) but have decided against it and really want to take the money and find a book, maybe there's a "Writing for Dummies" out there but a book to help me go farther in my dreams- and take that book to a coffee shop and get a nummy coffee and spend sometime alone, just me (well maybe baby J but he's not intrusive! lol).

Children are regressing now that the newness of Baby J is wearing off and we're walking through it again. I know we'll all make it but it makes for all the fevers we have to be that much worse. Time is my friend and my worse enemy.

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