I was going to do a Wordless Wednesday post today but after last nights episode of Fox's "Raising Hope" I knew that would not be happening. We have been enjoying this show since its premiere this fall, with only a few raised eyebrows mainly on content, not story lines. Last night episode had me yelling at the screen within the first 5 minutes! The story line (as you could guess by my title) CIO (Cry it Out) and sleep training baby "Hope".
I was so tempted to write this last night but it was probably for the best I didn't, as I was able to sit back and process my thoughts and words before putting them down. Write clear headed. I consider re-watching it this morning, but decided I didn't want to support this episode again.
"It teaches them how to self-sooth and handle their own fears."
"So I'm just supposed to ignore my baby while she cries in her crib?" "It's written by a doctor, a doctor who wrote a book." "You are not going to scar this baby by letting her cry and feel abandoned."
Well by this time I had my own Hope- hope that they are just touching on an issue all parents experience at some point and would turn it around to show the dangers of CIO. I had to watch the rest, to see where it went but at a distance so I wouldn't throw something in anger at the Tv.
So why do they (the grandparents) feel the need to sleep train "Hope"? When it alludes to the fact they were attached parents to their own son, "Hope's" father? Because he's too attached to them, is insecure and doesn't face his fears alone. "We made him a wuss." That in the end she'll be more secure, handle her fears alone and be able to self-sooth. (Hmm is this how we really want to raise our children- to know they have to handle life alone, and can't rely on those closest to them to help? This sounds really secure to me!)
"But you'll do the training right? It'll kill me to hear her crying that much." Here this shows how grandma and dad aren't really on board and goes against what comes to them naturally- not wanting to hear their loved baby cry and cope alone. Sleep training does this- makes parents go against their natural instincts, and this is usually the first step to creating "independence" and distance in the parent/child relationship. The first step towards abandonment of children's right and a parent's responsibility to their child. Its a slippery slop and all down hill from there.
Dr. Sears (a well known and renowned Pediatrician, who has many children of his own) has this to say about CIO and sleep training: "Science tells us that when babies cry alone and unattended, they experience panic and anxiety. Their bodies and brains are flooded with adrenaline and cortisol stress hormones. Science has also found that when developing brain tissue is exposed to these hormones for prolonged periods these nerves won’t form connections to other nerves and will degenerate. "
CIO and sleep training are HARMFUL to babies (and actually to all humans). Hmmm who'd a thunk? Crying and crying and crying alone with no one coming to your aid and having to deal with it alone (in the case of adults we choose not to ask for help, or have come to feel we can not ask for help, that being vulnerable is a weakness) is BAD for you? Wow! But this episode insists that its GOOD and helpful.
Alright I know each parent and person has the right to make their own decisions and well informed parents do. But this shows target audience is not the well informed parent. It's target audience is the next generation of parents, those that have yet to have their off spring. And parents of a socioeconomic class that statistically aren't well informed, don't choose to do their research or actually know they can do research and make decisions that aren't in the norm. (How am I qualified to say this? Because I am OF that class. I LIVE, and have lived, in the areas this class comes from. And when I share my experience with others I commonly get "Oh well that's not how my mom did it" or "That's not what my friend does" or "Well I saw it on TV so I'm going to do it that way!" I'm qualified because I'm there.) The writers, producers and directors of this show KNOW who they target....and this makes me wonder who's on staff? Babywisers? It's gotta be since "grandpa" didn't even use a proper sleep training method, he just put baby "Hope" in her crib and left her there for hours to cry alone (traditional sleep training has you go in and comfort the child, but not remove them, in the crib 5 minutes then 10 and so on increasing the length of time with each visit). "Grandma" and "Mama" both went into her but were shamed for their instincts by "grandpa". Both women ended up having to leave the home because "Hope's" crying was too much for them. (Abandonment much?)
In the end "Grandpa" feels great, proud of the "little Trooper", "she had the strength to step up and do it". He's talking about a baby here! Poor "little Trooper" was left to cry alone till she passed out from exhaustion, with feelings of stress and abandonment running through her little body. And "Dad"- well he's out drinking "Tea" and tripping though the whole ordeal. He calls his parents for help but they leave him out in the cold too- literally. To face "his fears" and "self-sooth". "You're so close to your emotional conditioning breakthrough!" "Deal with your crisis! I love you!" This is the view that "Raising Hope" producers have of attachment parenting- that we raise children into insecure adults that need to be broken. Not that we raise children that know when to ask for help and seek it out from those that are safe.
I could go into my thoughts on what CIO has done to society as a whole but I've already done that blog. I'm proud to be an Attached Parent, raising Attached Children- who will be more secure in themselves and with the feelings of belonging. It's been proven. CIO, in my op, has proven the opposite. Though my family (who I need to comment on- told me "It's just a tv show", I hate that! It may just be a tv show but how many stories have we heard where the mass media has affected peoples views, too many! And the excuse is old and worn out. Mass media producers KNOW what they're doing and soft minds believe it! But that's an issue for me to resolve with my family. My husband gets up in arms over things the President says and I don't say it's just his Op and dismiss his outrage, this is no different. If we don't use our voices to voice our outrage then we'll never be heard.) may continue to watch, I am not. This was the series finale for me.