Monday, June 18, 2012


Life is full of things to be afraid of. Things that are real and could happen at any time. Things that could happen but probably wouldnt. Things that probably wouldn't happen but we worry about anyways. Things that are really only in our minds.

And how we get through all the fears vary. Some we walk through. Some we push away. Some we ignore. Some we can see with a clear head as unnecessary. Some we need faith and hope for. Some overwhelm us and we live in them, with them, daily.  Some pass us in a moment. Some stay with us forever.

All fear is real. Even just in that second it passes in our mins. A split second where we are immersed in all that it is. Where flight or fight kicks in. Where we are unrational.

Some fears develope slowly. Bugs, for one, have been made worse, living here, dealing with them daily. Rationally I know I should not fear them, but more and more experience and knowledge of them, have increased my fear. When we move from here i'll probably have developed some OCD tendencies towards them, it has gotten so bad.

Fear of being alone in the dark. Of what could be surrounding you, can paralyze. But the intensity fades when back in a safe well light area. Irrational and rational at the same time.

Then the fear of never achieving, seeing, dreams come true. Follows you, sometimes quietly in the shadows. Sometimes right there, in the place of everything else. More than just paralyzing. More than fleeting. Real and hard. No way to be rid of it. No way to walk through. It may hide from you, in times of peace and joy. They stem from choices made, opportunities lost, a place of quiet discontent. Of yearning for more, for a glimpse of the alternative universe. Where we live the "other lives". Where the fates wove different paths. But where we'd still like to be.

Fear is around me. In me. Part of life. Real, or just in my mind's eye. Some days in full force. Some days in passing moments. Life without fear is dream.

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