Thursday, January 31, 2013

Coming to a Crossroads

I'm at a crossroads in life. Change is coming. Or not.
There is talking, planning, dreaming going on. A slow bit of forward momentum. Closer to where we want to be. But the real answers are just long enough off that trepidation,fear, and doubt is starting to creep in.
When all your eggs are in one basket its hard not to think about dropping it.
I grew up, and still often hear it, with my mother always telling me not to give the negative energy, that the more you do the more likely it is to happen. And on the flip side, if you put out positive that's what you'll get back.
I don't really believe this anymore. But it is so ingrained in me, I can't let it go. I fear my fear will wreck it all. That if I even let the slightest thought enter my mind, Bam! it'll happen. So I try to stay positive at all costs. Optimistic.
But as I said I don't really believe this is true. In my experience it just sets me up for disappointment. I am a good person, with a good heart- that's what others tell me. And I deserve to have dreams come true.
Similar to how some believe in their higher power, their God. Afraid if they don't believe, in the end they'll be damned. But also fearing what if it's the wrong one. Abstract. We never really know if we are right. But we have Faith. And trust. Even if it's child like, innocent.
But if life's path and my dreams are down different roads then what? It stumps me to ponder this.
Life is really a quandary.
Find joy, peace, serenity, and gratitude in the life you have. Or feel dissatisfied and unfilled, always wishing for more, feeling entitled to more.
In just a month's time, we'll have answers to where life will be going. A practice of patience. At the end of that month, there'll be fresh feelings, emotions to walk through, and plans to make. Acceptance of what has passed, no matter the outcome, will be key to moving forward, no matter what path is chosen for us. Because yes, we are powerless in this, as in everything in life's grand plan.
(Images from Google images, search word- crossroads)

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