Sleep

I'm going to warn you this post will be a bit whiny and contain self-pity. But with the lack of sleep I've had lately that's just where I am.

Most of my kids have been pretty good sleepers. Usually sleeping through the night by 3 months. Until C. He didn't stn until about 2 and then it was atill hit or miss. When J came along I saw his stn from day one as a blessing. J wasn't much for bed-sharing after about 5 months, he was content to sleep close but not with us. Again a blessing, since C was still in our bed, no matter what we tried. But C had other sleep issues, like restless leg syndrome and insomnia.  He'd wake in the middle of the night, after tossing and turning the majority of the time, and be awake for hours before falling back to sleep for his one stretch restful sleep in the wee hours of the morning.

Almost 4 years and he still sleeps with me most nights. I don't mind, really. Dh works nights, and as they say "No one likes to sleep alone." The nights he is moved to his bed he wakes and ends up with us anyways.

A again is another blessing, sleeping through the night from birth. At arm's reach, since C was already in our bed. I'd bring her to bed to nurse in the early hours, getting twilight sleep for an hour before the boys woke.

Just when C was starting to sleep after sun up, J changed his routine up, getting up with plenty of time to catch the sunrise.

A month ago another big change in our sleep routine. J has decided he wants to bed share now. And unless I want to have him running around the dark house, or strap him down Mommy Dearest style, all I can do is roll with it. And roll with the punches is a literal expression here.

See J doesn't like anyone to touch him in his sleep, he likes his space. But when you have 3, or 4 some nights, in a queen sized bed, that doesn't happen. Someone is always touching someone else. And J will fight you for space. Then there's the issue of both boys still relying on pacifiers for comfort. And they can get lost in the bed. So what happens when a 2 or a 3 yo loses their nuk, they take what they can find- the other's nuk. World war 3 in my bed at 3 am. (As a survival technique, I've started keeping an extra for each next to the bed at night.)

Seriously I'm really at a point where I'm not sleeping. I hover just over the nodding off point most of the night waiting for IT. I don't do no sleep well. I can't keep my head straight. Life's tasks, even ones I enjoy, become burdens. And I easily loose sight of my goals. I feel like it will never end. And all I want is a few nights of real sleep.

On the weekend, when dh isn't working, is my time to sleep. But the longer I go in a routine, the harder it is to deviate. So instead of sleeping as long as I can, I'm up at my normal hour, or even worse later.

I'm not sure if I can see a light at the end, since C is still struggling with sleep issues and J seems to be following suit. I just need sleep.

And a vacation.