All of it has, and still is, built up. And what is brings with it I can't seem to help but take on. I can't get it under control and it's overwhelmed me to the point that even getting little things done is an ordeal. I get the everyday stuff done, the dishes, sweep/mop/vacuum, laundry, beds. But the little bit deeper is not getting done. I can't find my balance- between the 4 at home, school, house work and just life. And I'm beating myself up. It's hard to be creative among a mess- hence all my projects (knitting, writing, teaching) have taken on a tone of monotony.
I broke down and took pictures. If you're a friend or family of mine and been to my home, you'll know this is bad. And if not, just looking over past blog posts of our home you'll see a difference.
I feel as if I'm being beaten up from all sides. And so much has to do with the energy I am receiving from my home. It's not a sanctuary or place of peace. It's chaos. And I'm struggling with those feelings inside.
I take a breath and try to center. Look for just one place to start. But as soon as I turn around it's been undone. I need a whirlwind of cleaning. Without small children to interrupt or entertain.
I'm sorry this is not a positive post. I'm completely at a loss right now. Maybe someone out there has ideas. Or inspiration.Something.
Our House as it is this morning.
Random dishes, projects, and stuff. This is normal- with the exception of the dishes, which makes a bit more room when clean.
What I call a "landing space"- you know where all matter of things end up.
Our kitchen table- there's always a pile of stuff at the end, usually O's school stuff is there.
Another landing space. This shelf is supposed to be for cereal and bread products. Atm there's one box of 1/2 eaten cereal.
The top of the fridge- where things goes to get lost.
The playroom- the one place I have semi-organized still. But there's too much stuff. And I never know what to get rid of. (This is most of the toys our 4 youngest have. I debate if we have too much, but then go the other way and remember there are single kids with this much stuff.)
Our school desk. I can't find anything. I keep trying to reorganize it but kids drop things off and leave it there. Then J gets into it all and nothing is where it should be.
Our relatively clean living room. Disorganized but clean.
My shelf. I had it so nice.....
The top of the TV stand. I know it doesn't look too bad but see the layer of dust- well it never goes away (thanks to heating with wood). And really there shouldn't be anything here but the dvd player, candles, and lamp.
Side table- current projects both DH and I are working on. Books we're reading. Too much.
The kids' room- garbage bags full of things to donate. They've been sitting there for weeks. Nowhere else to put them- we don't have storage. (I keep the door to this room shut at all times, I can't bear to look at it.)
My middle daughter's shelf. And more things to donate. We have at least 20 bags stashed around the house.
Wood side of the front porch. Yup another bag to donate- this one the dogs got into, so now it"s probably trash.
Other side of the porch- kindling football (we keep kindling in it), chicken feed, a rug that needs to go, and bags (mostly recycling but some trash, because we have no where to cart it off to now.) Oh and a broken vacuum- our second here, the dust and dirt kill them fast.
DH's riding lawn mower- hasn't moved since last May, it's not fixable. A bike and other things the kids and dogs have dragged out.
Our broken down van, and trash- some reusable but just in the wrong place. Wood- we never know when we'll need to build something useful. (All this is right in out in front. Not the most scenic view.)
My laundry room has been over taken by stuff.
The other half- DH's tool area, which is slowly migrating to my laundry area. We also have to store the carseats here. Looks bigger than it is- it's only about 4 feet wide.
I feel like the trash we're accumulating. Not pretty. Very chaotic.