Monday, February 28, 2011

What is This Blog?

I've been struggling with my blog...what am I doing with it? I wanted to make it about life with a large family. I've written a lot lately about how I'm feeling and things I'm going through. That's not a bad thing exactly since it's part of being a mother to all these but at the same time I feel it's taking away from my focus of why I started it in the first place. But the focus of life in a large family, this large family, is kind of boring most of the time- we don't do much of anything. And a post or two every few months usually covers it. I've also tried to include just general blogs on the things important to me in parenting (such as cloth diapering, vaxes, etc.) and still I come back to me.

Part of me is starting to feel a pull to stream line it but again that feels so hard and like I'd never post anything. And with that goes my desire to write at all. I've gotten some compliments lately, I enjoy them but in my mixed up world they make me question how good I really am and what I am doing. Negative pride steps in. And self doubt, but also ideas of grandeur, like writing a book. I've always had a thought about that, in the back of my head, but the barrier is what the hell to write a book about. I know it'd end up being for me, for I am not an expert on anything, have no degree in anything and would have a very small group I'd appeal to. But I still want to try.

And then when I start thinking about ALL of this I get writer's block! Highly frustrating. And I pedal backwards- back to my blog and what is this blog I started! What do I want to do with it, where is it going, what do people want to be reading from me, Why are they reading it in the first place? So I guess I'm back to asking: What do you want to see me writing about? Have I strayed too far from where I was before? Am I covering things that interest you? I need my readers help! Help!

(I know this is my blog and I write for me but I do write for you too, I enjoy that. I need honest ideas on which path I should follow- I can always do another blog on just me and my own craziness.)

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