Monday, May 28, 2012

Where Are We At

It feels like a good morning to check in. School's out for summer here. And it is very much summer here, we've had temps in the 90s for the past week.

We had lots of struggles with school here, many things we're just not used to. Lots of stresses; battling the school for understanding of O's condition, stress put on the kids over state standardized tests, teachers reading from the bible in public school, the menus and what they consider "food" (pop tarts for breakfast everyday), bus drivers that think aspergers/autism and asthma are the same thing. They just continued to roll in every week it seemed. But we made it thru, and they all did well. All of them always on either the A or B honor roll, all of them winning awards for reading and O winning a wonderful writer award for his grade.

Dh is finally employed somwhere that should stick, as a cook no less. He's worked for his father, as a pallet builder in the saw room, on the kill floor of a big sausage co., as a chicken catcher, and collecting scrap metal for cash. Its not been easy on him; his self esteem hit a low, and I have not been helpful. My dh is an awesome man, but under too much stress I break and he becomes my target. To say we've weathered it well would be a lie, we struggle more than ever but not so much it'll break us. Someday we'll make back and be stronger but not yet.

This move was made with little other choice, but we looked at it as a great opportunity. We came into it with open minds and hope. But from day one it went down hill, literally. Instead of a week of waiting to get into our house it was 6. We were told the house would need some work, especially the property, but weren't told its been neglected for 5 years. Too much work for 2 people without tools. Dh has replumbed the whole place, along with replacing the floors in the bath and laundry rooms. And we've barely made a dent.

But we've had positives too. O was offically dxed with Aspergers, and it feels good to have the right word for it. The psychologist we're seeing here is helpful and earning our trust quickly. He's open minded about SPD and wants to learn more. And has ideas for fighting the school to get O what he needs to really be successful.

We had our beautiful baby girl here in this house. A very quick birth, only lasting 5 hours from start to finish. She was born under the shining full moon light of March, very fitting since her name means "shining light". Her very life a surprise, but her birth brought more. Miss Lady Bug, as I call her, was born missing her right hand. Her arm is fully formed to her wrist. She even has her finger buds, but the rest never formed. Genetic or an amniotic band, we don't know but really what does it matter now? She is healthy, strong, smart, and beautiful. And she brings with her something else, unity. She has helped us all become closer. She has made us stronger.

Earlier in the year we made the decision to move away after school got out but then shortly before A's birth we decided to give it another year. Was that the best choice? That has yet to be seen. But since we made that choice I am trying to remain hopeful, though its really really hard somedays. Life here is more isolating than we planned it to be. Because of circumstances we've had to cut ties to family here, and we haven't made real friends yet. Support, its the one thing we're lacking here immediately, the thing that may make it easier. (Please don't read that as we have none at all. We do, from my mom, dh's mom, and friends afar. But they are just that afar.)

Where will we be a year from now? Only the Fates know. Just for today i'll keep hope. And try to walk forward with grace and joy!

Oh! And we have chickens! :)

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