Monday, August 6, 2012

August Brings Change

August 1st brought my girls home and a new (another) job for my husband. The girls being back was very welcomed. The stress and worry I had while they were gone instantly released. And I could relax.

The new job was the opposite. All the sudden, unexpected changes we've had over the course of the last year and a half, have done a number on me. I can't handle even good ones without panic, or feeling overwhelmed. My coping skills have disappeared. What used to be a bump in the road, is now a mountain I can't see the top of. I know this change in myself has been a gradual one. With each of life's unexpected surprise changes it has gotten worse, to the point I can break like glass.

I do eventually level out, but the immediate future in that moment, the uncertainties sends me into a tail spin. The positives are shadowed by the change.

This new job is a good one, the biggest draw back being its an overnight shift. But the pay is good, with a raise after 40 hours and 400 hours. Also this is a national company so transferring somwhere else is an option.

I'm still disliking the change. It brings with it talk of things my dh wants to get. And for me, the more new things we have the harder it is to leave here, for him. I don't want a new couch or bunkbeds here, this isn't home, this is a temporary shelter. And moving those things makes moving more expensive and therefore harder to do.

Anyways, the school supplies are bought, the first day is next week, and we still haven't heard a word from the school on anything (like busing, back to school night, etc.) More change but expected change. The kind I can deal with and look forward to.

Here's hoping the end of August brings some balance, stability, and calm.


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