Friday, October 5, 2012

Me, Myself, and My Blogs (Personal and Those I Read)

I've been busily coming along in the week. We're getting into a nice routine. I've been able to let go of getting all the housework done in the morning, and using that time to do "school" with O and keep J out of trouble. The afternoons are being spent on the house, with the household rhythm giving way to dinner and then bedtimes. Then a quick pick up of the house and relax a bit with dh before he heads to work. It's after he leaves when I sit at the computer thinking about blogging and getting off track, or lost, in FB land. I always seem to "write" the best blog posts in my head while laying in bed trying to fall asleep. I have the intention of writing them out the next day but never force myself to make the time. There is always something more pressing. "I'll just do this quick and then I'll go write." It's a good thing I'm only writing for myself and not on any deadlines, otherwise I'd be fired fast.

It happened again last night. But this time I got distracted by all the blogs I follow and show up in my reader. There are so many good ones. But I never make the time to actually just sit and read them. I read my favorites and those posted by friends. Or those that catch my eye. But I often miss some really good ones. There are blogs I followed for inspiration in homeschooling O, and I visit these when I get stuck or lost or find myself fighting with him more than working with him. There are those that I follow because I want to follow in their footsteps of life. There are those that are from moms like me- moms with large families, moms with children with Autism/Asperger's, moms with little one with limb differences. Probably too many blogs.

Much like my blogging/writing, book reading, painting, photography, knitting, sewing, baking, exercise, all of my hobbies, all of the things I do for me- I put them off. I wish there were 27 hours in a day, just to have those 3 extra to myself. To do what I need to get done for me- without having to sacrifice sleep.

I'm not feeling depressed on this, not at all. What I've found is it comes in circles. There are times I need to spend more time on one thing over another. Sometimes family needs more of me than me. But I do start to miss it.

I keep thinking of taking a weekend get away- drive a short distance and meet a few friends I've had for 4 years but have never met. Some are closer than a short road trip (just a 4-5 hour drive). I want to make a plan for this next Spring, hopefully when we have a newer (read more reliable) car. But I've come to learn not to plan anything till the first step is in stone. But a weekend away sounds like heaven.

I'm still trying to keep up on my spiritual path. Drawing a Rune a day, like it. It is much needed after the loss of my meditation books. I also like a page on FB that does a daily Pagan based meditation. I keep trying to encompass how I can work spirituality into our schooling at home and into the lives of the children as a whole. We have one of our big Sabbaths coming up, Samhain. And I need to get on with how we're going to celebrate. Bring it to my kids helps me learn more and see things as more of a whole. I'm working on progress.

I'm also feeling stuck with where I am at physically. Weight loss, eating better, exercise. Part of me wants to give up and just be happy with who I am and proud of my mama body. But the other part wants to FEEL healthier. But with SO MANY different ways of going about it and really and truly (I know everyone says this and nobody believes it) not having the time to exercise (no not even for just 10 mins a day!) I'm stuck. I don't know what to do. Beachbody, GAPS diet, low carb, vegan/vegetarian, paleo, low fat, Weight Watchers, etc, etc., etc. Really what am I supposed to do? At this point I'm doing nothing and sticking to it- and no I'm not expecting any changes by doing nothing. What I'm hoping for is someone to come along and say "DO THIS! I'll keep you going." But of course THIS is going to have to cost me nothing, because that's exactly what I have to spend on me. I do not have the self discipline to keep myself accountable, on track or even motivated. I don't know I'm just stalled out.

So here I sit at midnight making time to myself, because the girls start fall break tomorrow and I don't have to have them up at 6am, and I'm hoping J will sleep past then. So I've blogged 2 blogs (out of 4!) and now I'm going to go catch up on a few blogs I read. I stick to articles and blogs, because I'm still unable to finish a book. :D

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